Tired

Perhaps it is the world we are living in.
Perhaps it is my age.
I am tired.
So tired that if I could I would quit.
It isn't that my job is any more difficult than it was before. Nor is it that I am incapable of doing my job well. But I am losing my grip. I notice that I miss having a walk on a cool October morning. I don't have time to bake, to sew, to draw. I don't have time to clean. My house is a disaster area because between my "full time" job that lasts days on in and my husband's pieced together quilt of part time work, nobody is at home in any amount of time. Dustbunnies are flourishing under my bed. What laundry I wash and dry seldom gets folded and put away. The cursory cleaning I do of the kitchen and bath keeps the Health Dept at bay, but in reality it creates a lonely world because I am too embarrassed to have anyone come over.
I am so tired.
I am so sad.
Sometimes I am scared. The world has become a scary place. It's safer and more secure when you are the World's Cop than when you are the World's Piggybank. I love how nations that revile us are so quick to stick out their hands. In the meantime, here at home we have a president who seems disinterested in the heavy lifting of governing. He leads an alphabet soup of  Federal agencies and offices that seem to be nothing more than organized theft and spy rings intent on stealing from and spying on people like me. I see my kids struggle. They put off buying homes. They put off having kids. And these are the very people who should be parents. In the meantime ignorant inbred folks breed like bunnies assured a Federal handout will come with every new kiddo.

What has happened to us? When did we allow small groups to dictate to the large ones? When did we replace rule of law with the rule of who is loudest? I watch the news and the protesters in Ferguson are little different than those mobs that call themselves ISIS in Syria and Iraq. They only want their views expressed and they're willing to kill and main anyone who dares to have a different view. This is not the way it used to be. And it's not the way it should be. What has happened to us?

Shameful

Of all the things I have seen, the extortion of the elderly and their families has to be among the worst. Insurance companies terrify them into purchasing policies that are essentially worthless. Doctors ignore their complaints rather than investigating concerns. But among the worst of the worst is the housing and care industry for the very oldest among us.

My mother was hospitalized last week. She is scheduled for skilled nursing (rehab) for three weeks. Right now she can walk with a walker, but we have no idea what other things she can do for herself. She lives on social security from my Dad-just enough that she doesn't qualify for Medicaid. She has no savings-Merrill Lynch purged her accounts of that when they bought out BofA. She has no investments, no cache of jewels, no hidden wealth. And yet the cost of finding her safe living accommodations is over $3500 a month. That's more than my takehome pay after taxes. While my Dad was stationed in Sasebo and Nagasaki immediately after WWII, because it wasn't "wartime"

She can't live with us-our one working bathroom isn't accessible. The other one is a mess of leaky pipes that we can't afford to fix. We have no money. She has no money. There's no programs to help her or us. Oh...and on top of the $10,000 taken out of our checks we had to pay $600 more in taxes this week.

Hard Christmas

I am trying very hard to be upbeat.
I have done projects that echo Christmas. I have allowed my students to decorate my classroom door. I have attended the faculty Christmas party and am participating in Secret Santa. I just wish it didn't feel so hollow. I haven't really bought one gift. And despite the late date, I don't feel like spending the money. Our financial situation is so desperate that we may end up eventually losing the house. And this doesn't really mean much anymore as the house has serious problems that we cannot afford to repair. The roof, windows and doors need replacing. One shower walls has completely caved in and the other is falling apart. I don't have the skill or strength to do these things myself although I would if I could. I just feel like everything is falling to pieces and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

The one bright light is that my son, three years after college graduation, now has a job beyond fast food. My husband, however, is still essentially unemployed with no compensation and no end in sight. This is the Obama legacy. He is killing us by degrees.