Tuesday, March 14, 2006


It's truly a shock to wake up and realize that somewhere along the line you have lost 30 years of your life. That is thirty years of potential, thirty years of effort....thirty years missing. I say that not as someone with a soap opera case of amnesia, but as someone who on the verge of 50 (!!!!) finds that they haven't done one remarkable thing in their lives. In that I am not alone, but I don't think others mourn the loss so much. At twenty, I had the world by the tail. I was young and talented and had no limits. I could have been anything. But times and circumstances and my own personal past seem to have created barriers. I never had a one woman show. I never got an award. Heck, even though I volunteered at my kids' schools and was a Girl Scout Leader, I was never the one being recognized or applauded. Even within my own family, I seem to be the one destined to sit in the audience while others perform and succeed. Is it too late for me to pursue dreams? I hope not. I hope to write. I think I have a pretty strong outline for a novel. And I am going to take a painting class, not to learn, because I TEACH art for heaven's sake, but in order to make myself DO SOMETHING. My whole life has been filled with great ideas that I have been terrified to capture. But at fifty (!!!!) time is getting shorter. I don't want my life to be without reason. I mean, I love my family and I have raised my kids into great human beings that I hope to remain close to for the rest of my life. But there has to be more....doesn't there???

No comments: