Mindfulness

I am tired of the push for "mindfulness."
I hear it at work, in the media, in the news I read and hear.
My sisters in law live by this invisible mode and some of my children adhere to it as well.
They believe they are being thoughtful-a sort of spiritual worship of all the hands that have touch every single product they encounter.  I honestly don't know how they make it through the day, much less a meal.

I am appreciative of farmers, ranchers, manufacturers, packers, butchers, cooks and people who give us the ability to live such abundant lives. That being said, I do not want to spend my life contemplating the meaningfulness of every single aspect of my life. I don't want to make choices based on agendas. And if I should choose to wear mismatched sock, dowdy sweaters or a silly hat, that is MY choice.

Frankly all this mindfulness strikes me as a rebranding of narcissism. "Ooh look at me, I'm choosing my gluten free cruelty free organic soap" So what? Does it work? If it doesn't, it's a waste of time AND money. And if we are really "mindful" shouldn't wasting energy and materials to produce a substandard product count as NOT being mindful?

Let's apply this to cars. Environmentalists have pushed for measures to make car more fuel efficient. To do so, manufacturers have to make cars more streamlined as well as lighter. This means less metal, more thin metal and plastic. It also means making cars smaller. This wouldn't be a problem if we all had these cars, but we don't. Many of the larger SUV's are so raised off the ground that their bumper level is at the head level of new smaller cars. That means what in earlier generations would have been a mere fender bender will now be an accident with serious, perhaps fatal, injuries. People rant over possibilities of medication and procedures which are far rarer than the fatalities causes by the disparity in size of vehicles. Shouldn't this require mindfulness to either stop insisting new cars be smaller or at least all cars should have bumpers the same height?

Mindfulness goes far beyond this. There is a book out there talking about how you should get rid of all the things in your life that you do not love. So how's that going to work for married couples or large families? Can Mom simply throw away all the laundry? Can Dad donate his lawn mower? Can the kids jettison all the old records and yearbooks from their parents previous lives? I personally believe having to deal with things you may not love builds character. Nobody was promised a perfect life and I don't think individuals should be forced by the nature of "mindfulness" and then false doctrine of perfection to avoid those irregular things in our lives.

I will admit I am more absent minded than mindful. I may have, at times, worn mismatched socks and possibly I've worn some sweater backward. Does that change me as a person because I am less than perfect? Indeed this is the crux of mindfulness, helicopter parenting, cooped up bored kids sentenced to a lifetime of computer screens over the outdoor is an unreasonable fear of being less than perfect. We have to let our children learn to fail in small ways or we risk as adults seeing them fail on an epic level with no possibility of a rebound.

Friendships

I envy people who have lifelong friendships. I've never experienced that situation. We moved a great deal when I was a kid and as a result making friends was a frustrating experience. I remember when I was in fourth grade we moved from Metarie LA to Dallas, TX. I had been a long time Girl Scout and my mother had been a scout leader. The troop at my school wouldn't even let me in. I moved in the middle of the school year and when I tried to have a birthday party in the spring, only two girls came. Nobody called, nobody let us know. That pretty much set the tone for my teen years.

I tried to make friends. I wasn't as willing to risk getting in trouble as others, so I was often left out as the goody goody girl. Every girl I knew either made up gossip or stabbed me in the back. One girl I knew from seventh grade would wait until she knew I liked a boy and then deliberately go after him. She even tried that our senior year with my boyfriend, who is now my husband of nearly 40 years. But I tried. I did the things they did, wore the things they wore, went to the parties and dances, although not my prom. But I was always on the outside of things-wallpaper in the room.

College came and due to my family's financial situation, I had to stay in town and go to community college. Sure, I wrote to my friends who went to Austin and Lubbock and other far away schools, but nobody wrote back. They would come to town and never call me. I would run into them by accident listening to their feeble excuses. They were more than willing to ask me for a favor, but not so much to treat me like a person.

As an adult it was more of the same. I don't play those games so many women use to tear down others. I never did. Yet more than once because I was trying so hard to be a team player, I was the one who ended up losing out in the end. Even as a young mother, I would try to socialize with the other Mom's, but I didn't go to the "right" church or attend the "right" meetings. As a result I've gone through most of my life without a real friend other than my husband.

I've tried, but frankly people are mean. I would be a good friend. I would back up other people. I would go out to lunch. I would watch your house when you were gone and visit you at the hospital when you were sick. I would bake brownies for your bake sale when your oven was broken. All I ever wanted was a friend. Somewhere deep inside this crusty 62 year old body is a little girl who just wanted someone to play with. It's really kind of sad that so many adults seemed to see my flaws first.