I Can't Do This Anymore

When I became a teacher, I went into the job hoping to help students learn. I envisioned a class where I would share ideas, where I would help students build their skills and develop their own dreams. I was young. I was naive, but inside any good teacher is that kernel of altruism that resonates in ways I can't explain.

I can't do this anymore. For every student I have who really wants to learn, ten others (and their parents) are using intimidation and bogus special needs demands to game the system. I'm not talking about students who legitimately need assistance-that a whole different ball game. I'm talking about parents who make claims in order to get their kid more time on tests, more help on work, fewer questions, less homework. It would be one thing if they were in regular classes, but now we are encountering them in AP courses.

I teach an AP course. It is not easy because the test itself is one of the most difficult non-math tests AP offers. As such I have to teach 25,000 of art, teach students how to categorize and define artworks in terms of other artworks. We delve into every culture from Assyria to modern Africa and beyond. I spend around two hours a night making presentations. I post these presentations online for students to review. I spent three solid weeks eliminating unnecessary reading in the very intimidating AP Art History text. I spend evenings and weekends grading or writing assessments. I try to throw in things that are fun like Kahoot reviews and activities that can help students to internalize their learning.

But what do you do when a student lets a parent schedule appointments during a part of the exam and then refuses to show up during Block the next day to make it up? I waited all during lunch. I waited after school on the half day which is the end of the semester. The student didn't show up. The student tried to show up while I was conducting portfolio reviews with my studio class. I told the student to return after school was out but never showed up. What is galling is that another student-who is texting buddies with this one-is now claiming I didn't give additional time although he turned in his work well before the end of class and was given a chance the next day to do a different prompt-but left after ten minutes. I knew I should never look at my emails on the weekend.

I am so sick of this and what is more I HAVE NO OPTIONS. Thanks to the dreadful Obama induced economy and the additional burden of a husband who despite countless resumes and interviews cannot find a job I am really at the end of my rope. I hate this election. I hate this economy. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm working myself to death and then get snippy emails from young AP's who seem to do nothing to help teachers and always take the students and parents side. I can't do this anymore.

I just can't.

This Toxic Election

Here's an email I sent to a local talk radio station. While the host is conservative, he's troubled by the same things that trouble me. How have we gotten to this position with two of the most despicable candidates imaginable? I believe the media set us up. At any rate, this is my email to him. I believe it resonates with what many middle class Americans are feeling.

PS. I predict one of the lowest voter turnouts ever. People are just simply disgusted.

"What you're talking about tonight is a topic my husband and I have discussed for over a year. It's truly ironic that Trump finds himself on the other side of a smear campaign after how he shoved Ted Cruz out of the race by using the friendship with National Inquirer's owner to allege a series of deliberate lies. It comes out as Trump being able to dish it out, but not take it. To be fair, my guy was always Ted Cruz due to his brilliance on policy. Also, my husband is a true gentleman who has protected women from predators at his former job and who despises men that act like cads. That the media tries to make all conservatives into Neanderthals is despicable. My husband supports Trump because the media has given us no options. I have opposed Trump and he's not making my husband's attempt to change my mind any easier.

Please don't get me wrong. I believe Hillary Clinton is a horrible person. She is a traitor, she is a thief, she is a liar and she will take this nation down the path to destruction. Any of the other 17 candidates could have taken her down handily because frankly the people in this nation see the damage done by unchecked far left policies. So ask yourself, how come Trump won? He won because the MEDIA lapped up and promoted him as the next new thing. They glossed over his history-which was tarnished long before he entered the race-and indeed attacked anyone who opposed him. What was the lead story in every newscast during the primary season? It was always Trump and his word was golden. So when he claimed that Ted Cruz set up other candidates, Trump's much louder voice drowned out the voices of reason. As a result the best conservative running was not just forced to step down for the safety of his family, but was reviled by the same party leadership that now are shunning Trump. What gives?

Here's how I see it. Trump was never going to win. He's big buddies with the Clintons and indeed has far more in common policy wise with them and their money man George Soros than average Americans. I believe the Clintons knew Hillary was in political trouble. They knew that without a cover story to hide behind, the Wikileaks stories would haunt her. The Clintons have always believed "it's her turn" and seem clueless on the fact that at 70, Hillary Clinton is not in any shape for the rigors of the position. So who will be calling the shots? I believe it's a consortium of those who have given the Clintons millions over the years. They will make decisions that benefit the Buffets (ex. the use of railway over pipeline for oil tar sands transport) and Gates and Soros' of the world at the expense of the rest of us. Her leak on desiring completely open borders should be a signal that this woman has no intent in helping American workers who are already at one of the lowest participation rates in 100 years. So they set up Trump to run against her knowing that he would behave in outrageous fashion to make Clinton appear a valid choice.

The truth is neither are valid choices. Both are toxic. Clinton has undisclosed medical issues and Trump is a walking ad for a stroke. No matter who wins I doubt either of them survive the four years. So we have to look to the VP candidates. Kaine is a wash. Nobody knows him outside the east coast that the few that do don't like him. He has a reputation of being a "difficult" person. Pence on the other hand has a reputation as a builder. He is someone I can support. So when I vote, as an American, as a woman, I will vote for the Republican ticket-but only because I believe ultimately Pence will be in charge.

Just my thoughts,

Please don't use my whole name as I'm a teacher and frankly I'm not too sure what kind of havoc my opinions would produce"

This Cannot Continue

So would anyone tolerate a group called White Lives Matter? Of course not-it would be laughed off as patently racist. So why are we giving a group, and inviting to the White House, DeRay McKesson and Elzie Johnson, two people who created a brand of particularly offensive hate aimed at police in general and white police specifically? I'm not exonerating the role of bad cops, but you cannot exort your franchises in Seattle and St. Louis and New York to chant things like "What do we want...dead cops...when do we want it ...now" and then pretend like it wasn't some sort of fulfillment when two cops were ambushed in New York City and now five in Dallas.

As brand creators, the self proclaimed national leaders of BLM are responsible for the rhetoric and actions that ensue. So when innocent cops (and civilians!) get hurt or killed as the result of the seed they plant via their incindiery and often misleading campaigns, they cannot dodge the blood spatter that it creates. I think the American public needs to know who is funding this "movement" because quite honestly I don't think it's all that pure. It's strange how a self proclaimed "poor grad student" has been able to travel on a last minute ticket to any of the handpicked incidents they choose to exploit. And make no mistake, they do pick and choose cases where they believe they can get the most social media and economic traction.

Perhaps we could make sense of this had Dallas not been working hard to alleviate the very problems BLM lays out. But it is troubling that as we see this parade of grievances marched out, we also see in our communities and our schools, more young people out of control and defiant. I shudder to think what attitudes this school year brings. While nobody wants to see anyone else hurt needlessly, lets not make the mistake of thinking all people are angels. Left to our own devices, people will often take the easy way out. That is why we train and have trusted individuals to keep us on the straight and narrow-even when we don't like it, even when it maeks us mad. So can we please stop hyphenating groups, glorifying BLM and believing that race makes us victims or victors? In reality, ALL LIVES MATTER.

Dallas:Yesterday

#OneDallas

This time yesterday, five Dallas cops were escorting a peaceful group of protesters down the street. There was no violence. There were photos and chants and maybe some prayers. People were showing they were angry and hoping that this action would bring attention to their cause. This time yesterday, people held some hope because such events being peaceful have become the exception, not the norm. This time yesterday five families went through their lives. They went to ball games, picked kids up from soccer practice, went to the grocery store. This time yesterday they did was was normal.This time yesterday five police officers were doing their job. They were helping control traffic, they were protecting protesters and businesses, they were chatting with protesters down the line. This time yesterday, five families hadn't been shattered by the mindless, vindictive act of a shooter. This time yesterday, fathers, grandfathers, husbands, brothers and sons were still alive.

But that was yesterday. Now it's today and we're left to pick up the pieces. Most of us are sick of the excuses from all sides and equally sick of politicians posturing for best effect. Does anyone really care about the people-and make no mistake cops are people too? Long after the floral memorials have faded and been hauled away the pain will remain. Wives will slowly give away the clothing. Children will find other teachers to learn how to ride a bike, or tie a tie. Fathers will gaze on the photos at holidays and hear the echo of "what if...." No healing can fill that hole no matter what people say. My son said today "We don't have a cop problem, we have a people problem." and no truer words were spoken. We've become a society of narcissists ruled by selfie sticks and social media. People are more concerned about their own narrow world than the world at large. Andy Warhol predicted "In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes." He never said it would be a good thing. Perhaps it is time to start with the man in the mirror in order to clean up the world. And that doesn't mean some people, it means ALL. You cannot claim you are unbiased if you do not include all lives in your prayers.

On the Dangers of Diversity

From Tao:

Lets consider how the concept of identity politics has made it almost impossible to make any sort of progress on controlling crime, limiting illegal immigration or eliminating violence. If we said things such as "People should comply with the police," we end up with a litany from various groups on why such a thing would not happen. If we say "People should obey the laws," we have countless politicians and plaintiffs telling us they will not. The Progressive desire to serve all parts based on a subjective order of "fairness" has resulted in a system that is falling apart because the key structural elements are being ignored and in some cases, such as certain Constitutional rights, in danger of being removed completely.

Consider a Ferris wheel. While the cars that carry passengers may be shiny and colorful, the integrity of the structure of the device is what makes it possible for all to ride. If we sad only the people in the green cars get cotton candy, the others are not well served. If we try to make some cars go faster for the sake of benefiting one group, the other groups are stranded. If we remove central parts of the device, the entire machine crashes to the ground. Our nation and its Constitutional structure are the Ferris wheel. Various groups have a chance to ride the wheel, but they have to do so at the same pace as everyone else. To select winners and losers, which is what Progressives seek to do, damages the very mechanisms that make the device or nation function.

When we are distracted by the colors and noise that fill our society, we forget the core values that override every other manmade "right". When we allow ourselves to be distracted by fringe issues that serve only a few, we ignore those key elements that provide us with strength. Government exists to provide security first. That means protecting and maintaining our sovereignty. Open borders and loose standards on immigration does not do that. It is a European experiment that has failed and it will fail here as well. At one point in history this nation was truly a melting pot. While we kept family heritage, all Americans shared the same language and goals. Now we're a fruit salad where the bananas and strawberries gang up against the grapes and apples. Everyone wants to be at the front of the line and everyone wants to impose their culture as an overlay on our own.

We have become blinded by too many colors and the idea that different and new are always better. To quote my Mom "we've thrown out the baby with the bath water" on some sort of wrongheaded quest for newest chattering toy instead of seeking value in what we hold in our hands.

Thought Police

I came across this meme and it made me think about how guarded we have all become on how we speak about issues and events. While I do think we should be considerate and respectful of others, it seems that progressives would prefer that we not express any ideas contrary to theirs. The penalty now can be as mild as a write up or as serious as firing and civil penalties. How did we reach this point where a diversity of ideas was more scandalous than promiscuity, dishonesty or murder? Every few years I reread "1984" and I'm always struck by how easily the population accepts whatever they are told to believe. Bombarded by screencast images, the population rarely deviates from the narrow patterns assigned by the powers that be. And even the higher castes are not immune to censure if they fail to give public voice to the same song. "We are at war with Eurasia, we have always been at war with Eurasia." How long will be before academia and media have conspired to scrub all diversity of ideas from our midst? If you look at the art from totalitarian regimes there are all the same-realistic, nationalistic, bland and vapid admiration to a cult of personality. Is this what Americans really want?

The End of the Year

So yet another year has ended. It's been a very difficult year for me. I had to deal with some of the most arrogant and belligerent students in my career. While there are some I will miss and that I wish the best in life, I was so beaten down by the negative experiences that I didn't follow through with some of my own traditions. I didn't give my seniors graduation cards, small gift cards and contacts for me. A part of me regrets this, but in a way it allows me to release this year and all it's bad experiences.

I'm getting closer to retirement. I can see it around the corner, but it's not close enough to really plan anything other than work and more work. I find myself ridding my classroom and files of 15 years of lesson plans and promotions. My room is cleaner than it's ever been at checkout. It is as if I won't be coming back....no plans, maybe premonition. I don't know.

I find myself somewhat dreading the next year. Whispers have it that there is yet again "something new" in special ed and all signs point to a situation where they get rid of the AVLS classes and put seriously disabled kids in regular classes for the case of agenda over education. We're also under new mandates to monitor G/T students in our classes. With reports for G/T, ESL, 504 and SpEd students you have to feel for the poor average kids who are getting shortchanged because nobody wants to admit that sometimes placing students with like abilities together helps them achieve.

I also find myself surprisingly relieved that I'm not fielding both AP Art History and AP Studio classes next year. At first I was mad at what I saw as an end run committed by the new teacher who wants to be able to select which students she gets to teach. And I was angry at the prospect of having three Art 1 classes, at the expense of 30 painting students who won't get in a painting class next Fall because of the fear of not having Art 1 open to all. The truth of the matter is our school is grossly understaffed and we need another teacher. We've been told there's no money-a legacy from the prior Superintendent who I'm almost sure was on the take-we had enough to hire three more assistant superintendents at Admin for $150K a pop. Priorities.

Permanent vs. Transient

I've been looking at our society for awhile now-admittedly from a political point of view. But in the larger scale of things it appears that we are not so much warring about political views as we are over the larger scale of permanence versus transience. This war can be easily demonstrated by looking at marriage, housing, employment and other elements.

Marriage has been under fire for awhile now. Earlier and more primitive societies saw the value in permanent relationships, approved of by tribes, families and society as being beneficial as a means to solidify the nature of the culture. It's not that people didn't circumvent the institution of marriage, but more that they sought to establish rules of marriage outside the norm. We saw this with polygamous marriage, with the acceptance of harems and concubines as well as our modern day discussion of same sex marriage. It is interesting that even in the most liberal societies, the official "blessing" of marriage comes not from a house of faith, but from the state. As a result, marriage as an institution has changed from a moral imperative to a social imperative.

The true irony is the institution itself is also under assault, if you will, from those who actively choose not to participate. Many people avoid marriage and even within celebrity circles the action of marriage is either more of a media event if a marriage is broached at all. While many will say the break down of the institution of marriage is harmless, can anyone truly disregard the problems of single mothers raising children in poverty? While most social conservatives oppose same sex marriage on religious grounds, which is their right, if it is the state conferring the marriage upon a couple, perhaps for the stabilization of society it is better to have permanent same sex marriages rather than a transient relationship. I don't claim to be the arbiter of what people think, but I see less harm to society and the individual from a long term permanent official relationship than a string of temporary transient relationships that sometimes result in children who are not supported in the ways children require.

Housing is another area where this permanent vs. transient idea comes into play. Many people choose to avoid the constrictions of buying a home because it would mean they would assume the costs of maintaining a home. Even in this era of rapid increase in real estate, there are people who do not want the aggravation or responsibility of home ownership. If you drive by apartment complexes, you will notice that most of the cars are newer and more expensive than your average middle income housing development. The same folks who avoid ownership in housing frequently do so with transportation as well. It's much less expensive to lease a car on a month to month basis, you never really pay off the debt. Instead one new car is replaced with another. This points to certain internal need to have a facade of affluence even when none is in evidence.

This is further carried out with people who buy homes to the outermost limit of their credit and then partially fill the house with rented furniture. I live near a very expensive housing development. In the special area of the development, homes start in the million dollar range which is high for north Texas. A friend of mine owns a cleaning company which serves many of these homes. She has seen that the ground floors of these house are filled with luxurious, impressive furniture-all with rental stickers. Quite often the bedrooms, especially for the kids, are mattresses on the floor and clothes in plastic laundry baskets. So even though these folks attempt to attain the perception of affluence, they resort to doing so in ways that are transient. It is not unheard of for folks in this affluent area to simply abandon their houses rather than going through the public shame of bankruptcy. So it appears that the need to give the appearance of wealth is more important than doing the heavy lifting and self discipline and denial and allows wealth to develop.

Even in employment, people seem to believe or have been taught that they deserve more than their talents or education merit. This has created a strange sort of situation where uneducated people with connections (think anyone on TMZ who isn't a performer) can get a better paying job than people who have actually gone to college, done hard work and represented themselves in a responsible way. I am not a Sanders supporter, but I understand the bitterness of so many young adults out of college because my children are in that age range. All of them work very hard, some with multiple jobs. They do what they are told, do the best they can and yet see no real traction in terms of economics or promotion. Instead upper jobs are filled by outsiders who haven't been in the company and who haven't been patient after a manager asked them to just wait for raises, etc.

An example of this is one son who works for a well known bike company. He has sold $1.2 MILLION in high end bikes over the last three years. Yet his most recent raise was fifty cents an hour. His salary doesn't even pass five percent of what he has sold. Yet others in the same company who are friends and acquaintances make more. My oldest son has a degree in history and his job pays $12 an hour. My daughter works two jobs, one at a well known national bank, another at a national retail chain. As long as this generation continues to see older people line their pockets and refuse to promote them, the disaffection and disgust will grow.

This is not to say that this generation doesn't share the blame. Many of them bought into the college recruiters false assertions that they should "invest in themselves" buy attending costly private schools and racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars of college loan debt. Part of this is the issue of pushing the myth that "everyone should go to college" and part of this has to do with the method of helicopter parenting that has led these kids to believe they should be given a safety net for every problem. Of course that goes back to a system of education that is far more interested in controlling outcomes than in education. But then again, they have been raised to believe that there will be unlimited do overs and that good effort trumps good outcomes. Again that lack of dedication to a job or task is the debate over permanence (staying on a job and doing the job) goes up against transience (feigning boredom or simply giving up).

It used to be that someone would train for a job and hold that job moving up the chain for 30 years. Perhaps that model is and was unrealistic. But we currently have companies whose employment needs rise and sink with the tides. This creates a type of cultural anxiety where people feel they cannot count on the future and therefore do not shape their lives for the future. We can see this in the number of educated, employed people who choose not to have children. My own children have said that they don't feel confident enough in the future to have children. Why purchase a home if you will only lose it five years later? Why buy a car when you can abuse a rental and get a new one in two years? Why bother to maintain, develop, or hold onto anything or anyone in this society if the entire culture underlay can be ripped apart on a whim? Are you a permanent person or a transient one? I think it's something people need to consider.

Adventures in Politics

I decided that since I am so disappointed and distressed over our sad choices in this next elections, that I would become more knowledgable and more active in politics in my area. So after the primary I went to the precinct meeting. There I met a few others who were similarly curious and we all became delegates to the senatorial convention.

Today I went to that convention, learning many things. First of all delegates select the nominees, not the voters. Not yet anyway. And since none of the delegates at my precinct and precious few from others in the area have Trump delegates in spite of fairly large numbers of votes, we know that either Trump voters are interested in the full range of politics OR that Trump voters are not by and large Republicans. The agenda included approving a slate of supplementary rules as well as a slate of delegates to the State Convention in May. Everything was hunky dory until Rule 16.

Rule 16 says that in order to be a delegate to a State convention, you have to file an application and turn it in. The applications were online and even mailed to the homes of senatorial delegates weeks before the convention. There was plenty of time to turn in these one page applications. But, like their children, these alleged adults fiddled around and lost the papers, ultimately didn't turn them in on time. So instead of asking for time to do it today, they wanted all applications eliminated as a deciding factor in who gets to go to State.

But that's not the whole story. Early on I had been reading how Trump supporters were going to try to get enough delegates just to get the Rules changed for the national convention so that he could be named the nominee with a plurality of the delegates rather than the majority of the delegates. That being the goal, Trump delegates wanted to pack delegations at every level to get their planks in the platform passed. I reasoned this out on my own, but at lunch I asked my precinct chair-a lady who's been around party politics since Reagan-if I was truly seeing that kind of attempted takeover. She nodded solemnly and said not only that, but the same tactics were being used in senatorial districts across the state. If they can get Trump delegates at the senatorial level, they can push their platform and delegates at state and end up having rules shaped to confirm The Donald's nominations without so much as a whimper.

More such shenanigans went on as various precincts tried to remove some delegates in order to replaced them with alternates that held more Trumptastic views than the rest of the crowd. This event-although at times tedious-was an education in itself. I wish I could go to State, but I have to give an AP exam that day.

Future World?

I am pretty analytical about my politics.
I like to make choices for a reason.
I don't understand how people can latch onto someone who lobs insults and innuendo like snowballs. I know politics is a full contact sport, but I honestly do not understand the popularity of someone like Donald Trump. Or, for that matter, Hillary Clinton.

They are both too old.
They are both products of a different age and carry the biases of those times for good or ill.
They are both thin skinned and vindictive.
They are both vengeful-something Hillary has shown her whole life and something Trump alludes to in his speeches.
Both have legal troubles-Hillary for violation of our nation's security, Trump for fraud.

Honest to God folks, don't we deserve better than this?

I Am Not a Teacher/I Am a Person Who Teaches

This is an important step. I must move away from being a "Teacher" as an identity. For too long I have put my job before my health, my sanity, my talents and even my family. This is the way the system is set up. It used to be that there was a clear division between one's work life and home life. Education, as practiced today, isn't like that anymore.

Oh sure, you'll have those trolls who chortle "but you have summers off." Define "off." In the past five summers I have attended five AP Summer Institutes, written curriculum twice, attended twenty "trade days"(which are a special torture I will explain later...), taken repetitive and often meaningless professional development (Bring your best lesson plan ad infinitum) which all are spaced just far enough apart to make taking a college course, a vacation or even getting my house clean an impossibility. I don't know of a single teacher who thinks of summer as "off" time. It's catch up on cleaning, fix the bathroom, paint the baby's room or even mow the lawn time. It's time when we get to do or have to do all the things normal people do on weekends during the school year while we're frantically grading into the wee hours hoping to make the gradebook deadline.

I have to learn to be a Person first. I can't just keep being a Teacher Creature who exists on test data, IEP's and has so little time to be an individual that I have no hobbies and few friends. This has to end. I cannot continue on this path. Please don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike teaching, but like some sort of aggressive mold, teaching has taken over my life sucking out any time from reading or painting or drawing or just taking a walk in the park. I have stories that make me smile. Like the girl who showed up today from U of Arkansas who told me that she was a Graphic Design major. We laughed because she was a mess when she was in my painting class. I celebrate that there are kids out there, some that I may never know about, who chose art and design as a career. But for every story like that there are so many others with kids who don't care, parents who live to crush the spirit of teachers and administrators far more interested in data than people.

I don't know how anyone does this for thirty years. I honestly don't know how I have done it for seventeen years. I didn't plan on staying so long. And unfortunately because of my age, I find I have to stay a few more years just to have some sort of money rolling in during what is laughably called retirement. I've seen retirement. Oh sure there are those who travel to exotic lands, sampling life by the wine glass. But far more often, especially with teachers pensions, I've seen the type of retirement where 80 year old retirees feel compelled to sub three days a week. I don't want to be doing that at 80 or 70 or even 65. I'll work as a Walmart Greeter before I do that.

It would be nice to think that teaching was some sort of shadowy modern version of "Good Bye Mr. Chips", but instead it seems to be a world that is trapped in meaningless trends hinging on test scores and special populations. In the workroom, we older teachers spend some time worrying about the future. We also discuss the past. I have watered down my lessons three different times. As more special populations are parachuted into general education classes, the regular students suffer from neglect and I fear the backlash will be horrible to behold. I look at my five year old grandson, so eager to read and do math and then I look at the tortuous methods they've concocted to teach these concepts which I fear will mess him up as New Math did me fifty years ago. What are we doing? When did teaching become facilitation rather than caring? When did scripting replace common sense? When did administrators become so wobbly that they fear even the most idiotic demands from parents?

This can't end well. But it will end. Education is a very trend conscious endeavor. I've lived through New Math, Open Classroom, Self Contained, Departmentalized, Whole Language and more fashion statements all with their own little zippy promises of higher test scores. In reality, like it or not, some things are better learned by rote.  The alphabet, the multiplication tables, the names of states and such can be learned by heart and probably should be. But the current trend is that rote learning is bad and that it is better for a student to stumble through a hundred other possible solutions before finding an answer. I've never liked estimates. I never believed them. Any contractor who gave me an estimate always ended up costing twice as much. Between this unstable method of answering questions and the electronic distractions of tablets and phones, I fear the next generation will grow up illiterate. And where will that leave us?

I suppose that's why I still teach. Someone has to care about things like deadlines and absolutes and quality. I don't like the philosophy that complete is good enough. I hate it that people, including adults, think all limits and deadlines are more like suggestions than requirements. Sometimes you have to do what you're told to do when you're told to do it. That we currently have a nation where that's not the case for everyone explains why schools are in such disarray. And that is why I must become a person who teaches instead of a teacher.

Aftermath

It's one a.m.
I am scheduled to return to work after my surgery tomorrow.
I'm also supposed to be observed sometime this week.
So why am I awake?
Because when I lie down I begin coughing. This is a biproduct of my surgery wherein my entire endocrine system is now trying to reboot and consequently acting out in unacceptable ways. Such as:
I will be dead tired for period tomorrow.
I will also be uber hyper for a period.
I will crave food and simultaneously reject all food offered.
I will burst out in emotional responses-I have to really watch that one.

But right now my concern is sleep-how to get it, and when I will get some.
I have tried the following:
Cough medicine
Antihistamine
Saline spray
Bourbon
Hot Tea
Gingerale
Water
Any of a number of other remedies BUT NOTHING WORKS.
How long can a person live without decent sleep? It seems I read somewhere that it eventually would cause hallucinations and psychosis.
Well that's something to look forward to.

Right now my ankles and feet are swollen.
My throat is slightly sore-moreso when I cough.
There's an annoying constant tickle...ugh

At least there's no more pressure in my ears and what I thought were my tonsils swelling was evidently the "nodule" which is really just a nice name for tumor. In looking at it (yes they send you a photo now just like the mechanics) I can see where it looks like she took out some lymph nodes and it appears the growth went up my trachea and into parts of what should have been my salivary glands and tonsils. It's very roomy in there now. I would post a photo but I'm afraid Google would freak out at the graphic nature and end up banning me for life.

Argue With Your Doctor

I had surgery yesterday. I've been arguing with doctors for years over my metabolism. They have attributed it to everything from laziness to menopause. I finally found an endocrinologist that actually looked at my thyroid and discovered that basically I don't have one anymore. Instead I had a huge toxic thyroid tumor that was capable of mimicking normal thyroid function while doing nothing.

This was supposed to be a slam dunk in and out. It wasn't. Once the doctor got in, she discovered a connection to a mass next to my aorta(!!!) the size of an apple. She said she didn't understand why it hadn't been detected and that it should have been removed five or more years ago. I have had a variety of doctors-men, women, American trained, foreign trained and the one trait they seem to share is a general disdain for the opinions of the patient. They like to focus on the computer script and do not listen to the concerns offered. In my case I have a very very strong history of thyroid disease with my mother, grandmother, daughter, son and brother all on medication. Heck, even my dog is on it. But in looking at the photos of the tumor (the doctor said the lab would probably faint when they saw it it's that large....) this has been ongoing forever.

So my message is to argue with your doctor even if they don't like it. Right now my throat feels empty. It's possible that a number of issues I've been dealing with from sleep apnea to allergies have been have been the result of this really nasty growth.

San Bernadino

Nobody wants anyone to be hurt. 
But this was not your typical "lone wolf" shooting in spite of how Hillary and Obama want to frame it. This was a soft target. It's in a state where few have concealed carry licenses. It's also a state where the majority of people are hesitant to point out anyone who stands out as not belonging because of the imposition of PC attitudes on top of gut instincts. It was a hired hall with a group celebrating holidays and the achievements of some of their members. The president's comments are absolutely off base. The shooters hit a soft target with virtually no security in face. This has nothing to do with gun laws. I doubt someone planning such an attack worries very much about the lawfulness of their weapons. 

What should be alarming is that it took San Bernardino Schools over 90 minutes to call for a lockdown. That is way too much time. This comes from the liberal mentality of "don't judge" and the idea that some mantle of protection hovers over the families who vote largely Democrat. I shudder to think what could have happened had they reached a school. And what of the shopping malls? At least they evacuated, finally. But who's to say the shooters didn't shed their Kevlar and vanish into the crowd-a crowd that is unwilling to recognize a person who might stand out because they do not belong.

The gunmen were masked and armed. Some news agencies tried to say they were white. That's now been refuted. A person of interest is a worker at the facility named Farooq Syeed. Call me suspicious but that's probably not an Irish Catholic guy. I have to wonder given the media's willingness to push the White House agenda if they will admit it if the shooters turn out to be from the Middle East. After being so willing to push the #BLM agenda while ignoring situations like the Bunny Friend Playground shooting of 17 in New Orleans by a black male, I'm not so sure the media is our best source for information.

Also, and I hope to God this isn't true, this almost sounds like a practice run for something larger. I know if I was a parent of a child in San Bernardino Schools I would be burning up the lines to chew out whoever it was that didn't think those children's safety was worth upsetting the gods of political correctness to call a lockdown. That superintendent should be fired.

And finally, it sickens me how Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama could not wait to spin this to a gun rights issues without even knowing a single fact. This is from the same sources that called Ft. Hood "workplace violence" and Benghazi "a failed mission". I'd loved to say more, but I don't want to talk to officials. I just wish both of them would shut the hell up.

My Thyroid

I come from a family with a history of thyroid disease. My mother has been on meds since she was 18. My daughter has been on meds since she was 20. My brother nearly ended up in a psych ward because men are not routinely tested for thyroid function. As it turns out his behavior for ten years including profound depression, job losses and more, were the result of a non-functioning thyroid. My 25 year old son is on medication for thyroid disease. Even my dog is on medication for thyroid disease. I have had symptoms of thyroid disease for twenty years. But every time my GP tested me, it came back normal. I have had dry skin, high cholesterol (something I never had earlier), thinning hair, weight gain in spite of diets, exercise, starving.

That changed last week. After years of talking and begging and arguing with doctors, finally my doctor realized I had a nodule on my neck. He sent me for an ultrasound and lo and behold, I have two massive nodules on my thyroid. Further analysis would show that I have hardly any actual thyroid tissue having had it replaced with toxic nodules. Toxic thyroid nodules not only replace healthy tissue, they can produce hormones which will read as a normal thyroid screen on tests. What is more, depending on your age and sex, thyroid disease is often misdiagnosed as many of the following conditions:
-Adolescent angst
-PMS
-ADHD
-Perimenopause
-Depression
-Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
-Laziness
-Menopause
-Dementia
-Depression

She said it's one of the most underdiagnosed and easily repaired conditions. Furthermore it makes me wonder how much of my son's ADHD as a child was really thyroid issues manifesting as he reached adolescence. This whole situation has been a revelation. I didn't understand why I couldn't swallow, why I always felt like I had a frog in my throat. It turns out my thyroid nodules are starting to choke me off. Kind of scary, but it makes me hopeful because now I can schedule surgery and finally get this situation in control. I've missed out on so much over the years because of the fatigue. 

Paris

I've never been to Paris, France. I have been to Paris, Texas. I'm pretty sure it's not the same.I hate to say "I told you so" but when you don't respect the borders of your own nation, when you don't defend it by vetting those coming in, when you don't list expectations that include assimilation into your culture and acquisition of your language, you end up developing a parallel culture. Quite often such cultures end  up poverty stricken because they are poorly equipped to participate. Too often they come with expectations of being given free stuff for little or no work. People get tired of being taxed at higher rates for people who do not want to assimilate. Paris has entire neighborhoods where police do not go. We already have enough problems here. Chicago, Detroit, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Baltimore, New Orleans could all make more headway in improving everyone's lives. France accepted refugees and for their kindness was attacked from within. Germany, the Netherlands, Sweden or Italy could be next. I just don't want MY COUNTRY to be on the list.Prayers for the victims of this heinous act.Prayers that somehow, some way, the world will be rid of these human locusts.

Loss of Control

While life on the outside has definitely lost it's edges, life on the inside has as well.
I have what is termed "nodules" on my thyroid. Now they could be benign-not with my luck-but they could be. They could also be what's been screwing up my metabolism for the last fifteen years. Either way I have to have a biopsy and it doesn't sound pleasant. It is possible that I will then either down a radioactive iodine shot to destroy said damaged organ or have day surgery to remove it.

Day surgery is a liberal construct where they make you starve all night, wake up early and then wait for hours until the doctor gets around to your procedure. Then you get to go home to quake and vomit from the aftermath of general anesthesia at your leisure. What going to be interesting to see is how my principal responds. See he's pronounced that no more teachers can have a planned absence on any of November's Fridays due to the numerous band and athletic activities requiring coaches and directors to miss school. So what happens when my doctor says this Friday, come hell or high water, I have to be there. Given the way things have gone lately, I am willing to bet the conversation starts with "Welllll.....Mrs. .....couldn't you schedule that for over the Thanksgiving break? "

First of all, having had to deal with my son's ankle break over a New Years holiday, I know doctors often opt to take their own families out of town. Imagine that. Doctors like time off too. This means that while we're having turkey at home (and saving up money for procedures) they will be at Purgatory or Keystone shusshing the slopes. I don't blame them. I would want time off too. And I would rather take time off to RECOVER during Thanksgiving break than to have the surgery, feel miserable and miss seeing my own kids.

Nobody really knows about this. My own kids don't know and my husband doesn't know the odds. I don't think he wants to know. I'm trying to keep this light because honest to God since 2008 we've been hit by so many things that one more might just upset everything. But I am scared. And I am praying. The wheels have come off, the center will not hold seems to be the story of my life.

About Teaching

A friend sent me this story:
Teaching Is Like an Abusive Relationship

I read it.
Then I read it again
It's not from an American source, it's from the UK. And teachers there are seeing the same behavior or worse than we are experiencing here. Just this week the head of Special Ed at my school, who runs the BIC or behavior intervention room for seriously mentally ill students (she has three at the most at any one time) publicly complained about having to teach my subject, high school art, in her contained setting. "It's hard." She said. "I don't know how to handle things," she whined. She ignores that quite often she orders seriously disabled and quite disruptive students into our classes of 30 or more. Furthermore she wants to bring her class down to one of my teachers and drop them off for art ignoring that this teacher already has a full class of 30 students many of whom come to her with paperwork. But because she has the ear of the administration and a doctorate in Special Education, I'm sure they will listen to her first and ask us later. I keep telling my husband I can't do this anymore. We're going to be heading for a new schedule next year. Instead of 90 students a semester I will see 180. That means twice as many students will paperwork. Inclusion is not working and although it makes the parents feel good, it causes a great deal of resentment by the other students who often wait a couple of years to get in a class and then have it constantly disrupted by special needs students who have no ability or interest in the class.

This is why our education system is failing. When we place the needs of a small group who will never work outside a sheltered environment over those of the kids we will depend on to keep this nation on its feet, we are investing in a losing cause.

God help us.

I Can't Do This Anymore

As I sit here I wonder what in the hell has happened. It used to be you stayed out of trouble, paid your bills, did your job and things were fine. Now known felons are celebrities, paying your bills is for dopes and doing your job doesn't get you merit based increases, but plays favorites based on a slate of attributes that have nothing to do with job performance. I have worked since I was 16. Even those years when I was a stay at home Mom, I worked. Anyone who doesn't think caring for three kids largely on your own while your spouse travels is kidding themselves. I worked part time when we needed it and even moved to full time in jobs where I was far too often overworked and underappreciated.

This last week has been a doozy. I joined a local choir as just a means to relieve some stress. As it turns out what was a modest initial outlay has become a multi-level marketing type of demands for more and more. I'm the only one working at my house. I don't see bills or taxes getting any lower. My husband has given up seeking work-and frankly having watched him send out resumes and go through interviews on the phone I can't blame him. In our group of friends-all about 50 to 65 years old, many of them are either unemployed (often without compensation since they were sales reps) or working at part time jobs for subsistence salaries. Because of that I keep working.

Our property taxes have risen 15%. Our house is falling apart. We have an entire bathroom with a leak in the wall that we cannot afford to fix. We have ceilings falling and holes in the wall. And we can't fix them. We don't have the personal skills or money to make that happen. Groceries have gone up from $85 a week to $125. Even my blood pressure meds have tripled in price even though they are on the insurance formulary. People wonder why there's so much hostility it is because those of us who have worked so hard are simply tired and yet the increasing demands of the next generations place us in the situation of always having to be the provider for any of a slew of liberal schemes.

We are not spendthrifts. I drive a 17 year old car. I can't afford the cost of a new car payment and yet I can't afford the payments on a used car. It seems at every turn there's a roadblock. I didn't feel this way even ten years ago. But frankly the personification of every bad thing that has happened to me and my family has come down to this president and this administration. They will not be content until they have left us with nothing.

Fourteen Years Is Evidently Too Long To Remember

The reason we have forgotten 9/11 is that someone decided it was too painful to remember. So children were not exposed to the stories and images. While their zealous teachers and professors have made sure they were shown every conspiracy and controversy laced version of 9/11, the images shot by French videographers who just happened to be a Ground Zero as the towers were hit and fell and hell started breaking loose, were banned from TV after just one showing. Someone decided we weren't strong enough. So now I teach high school seniors who have never seen the footage. They talk bravely of progressive issues and archly judge earlier administrations, clueless of what we as a nation went thought and heedless of why the actions taken after 9/11 were taken. They talk distastefully of war, ignoring that for a long time after 9/11, we were waiting for the next attack. That it has not happened on the scale of 9/11 is more in the nature of a happy accident than of real security. We have a current administration that is actively ignoring what happened 14 years ago. They label obvious acts of terrorism as "workplace violence" and roundly criticize anyone who echoes the fears we felt 14 years ago when we say we want to know who is in this country and we do not want people coming here from known terror sponsoring states. While those of us who remember still stay vigilant, too many others ignore the peril. And so it will happen again. I don't know where, I don't know when, and I pray it is not as bad as it could be, because with the allowances this administration has made for rogue nations in the Middle East, I fear it could be very bad indeed.

*sigh*

I can't do this anymore.
I didn't get into teaching for fame or fortune.
I didn't even get in there to be Teacher of the Year. I always considered those types far more interested in their own welfare than the welfare of those they teach. As hokey as it sounds, I got into teaching because I like kids. And I teach art because in a world that is so often ugly and unfair and art isn't like that. You don't have to be rich to be creative. You don't have to be popular to be good. And I guess I had hoped at some point that teaching art would make the world a little bit better place. I hoped that kids would learn to appreciate what they have and seek to make better those things that are broken.

Yes, I was an optimist.

After today, I simply don't know anymore. I've endured the countless cases of the most disabled kids being parachuted into my most advanced classes and although I've complained, I've survived. I have kids with criminal histories, deviant behavior and even a kid so violent he had to be walked to and from class because he was so delusional that he would believe the very walls were attacking him. But today was the last straw.

I've worked very hard to build an AP program that was both flexible and rigorous. I gave the students projects in much the same way a client hires a graphic designer. They are free to do what they want. The projects are designed to build up their portfolio Breadth. I'm not clueless-many of these project have gotten my students into schools like School of Visual Arts, Kansas City Art Institute, Ringling and Rhode Island School of Design. Yet today an AP student-one who bailed on AP portfolio and our state competition last year, leaving the department stuck paying the fees, accused me of having a class that was holding her back. It seems she wants some sort of "open portfolio" class where all they do is whatever work they feel like doing. My experience with that is you get two kinds of artwork: Utter crap and Nothing. This one page rant went on and one.

My take, after discussing this with other department teachers, the girl's counselor and her AP is to let her go into another class, which is fine by me. In a way I think this may be calling her bluff. She expects me to back down and let her do whatever she wants. Instead I'm essentially of the mind not to kick her out, but to let her go. I understand the only class open that period is Personal PE. I hope she enjoys that.

But on a larger scale, this is a problem that is growing. I don't know if this is a problem with me, the kids , the school or all of the above. From the overweaning burden of testing to the sophomoric level of favoritism (by the faculty no less!) teaching just isn't much fun anymore. It's become a job where status is real, income is nebulous and based on how much you brown nose and the daily grind has become literal. I come to school each day with hope, only more often than not to see it dashed on the rocks. We live in an age when gratitude is a rare commodity. I'm not sitting here waiting with my hands out, but a thank you would be nice now and again.

Imagine this

As I predicted, our students came into school this year with a marked chip on their shoulders. I wish I had dared take photos of some of the things I've seen. Like the girl with leggings with the word "Dope" trailing down her leg. Sure, I know what it means in current slang, but had you seen her wearing it, you would have nodded and said "Yep." Then there's the overendowed African American girl wearing a shirt saying "Hands up, don't shoot" with the hands right over her boobs. Seriously.The last straw was a group of boys leaving trash in the hall. We had a horrid mouse problem last year and I don't want to deal with that again. When I asked the group who left the trash they named a kid and said he was in the bathroom, but his backpack and phone were there. So I took his phone and told them that I needed to talk to him and he would get his phone back after he cleaned up his mess. He banged on the class door and shouted "I want my phone. You can't take my phone" I replied "It was in plain sight on your backpack, you weren't around, it could have been anyone." He started fuming and said "I'm getting an AP." I said "Fine." Before the AP could say a word I explained AGAIN how I would return the kid's phone after he cleaned up his mess and that I took his phone because nobody was watching it and he needed to talk to me. No problem. I'm tired of kids behaving like we are servants. That attitude comes from parents.

Appropriate....

This makes sense. And if you don't understand then you've never had to try to speak over the texting, movie watching and instagramming of today's youths.

New Year, New Cheerleaders, Same Old Songs

My second day of in-service leaves me tired, panicky and disillusioned. Once again we hear the praises sung of the same folks-largely folks who get a great deal of attention and support from all concerned. Once again we hear new mandates including programs that seem likely to make kids who aren't G/T or 504 or SpEd even more invisible than they are now. If you're a teacher you've probably seen this illustration of equality vs. equity.

Now in this scenario what is desired is for the participants to say that by taking the box from the tallest student and given a second box to the smallest one, it's providing "fairness for all." But as one of the faculty members pointed out, our data shows that we have almost equal numbers of G/T students and Special Needs students while 73% of our students aren't involved in any way at all with additional support or contact. Anyone who has had special education students parachuted into an already large class knows what happens next. The needs of the SpEd kid come first in every circumstance. Then ESL, 504 and G/T. Pity the average kid who isn't on the top or the bottom of anyone's list. If they get time at all it's usually for goofing off or acting up because that is just about the only way they get face time.

What advocates want us to say is that taking from the tallest ( or most gifted) kid is fair because then everyone is level. But in reality taking away advantages from the G/T kid actually is the same as taking away hearing aids from a hearing impaired student. Why should G/T kids get less in terms of funding, attention and time than Special Needs students who already get the lion's share of education budgets? I am shocked the parents of G/T kids aren't screaming. And they should be. This type of false parity not only limits the improvements of our best kids, but gives false appearance of achievement to the lowest achieving group.

In reality what happens is that in order to give the lowest group the appearance of "success" the supports and encouragement that could elevate the average and above average learners into bigger and better things are removed. In short, we are on a path to limit the best and brightest in order to appease the parents of those kids who will never work outside a shelter environment, indeed, if at all.
Idiocracy is real.

Killing Childhood

Below is my response to what I think is a very important organization. We have parents who are too involved in their kids lives in very unhealthy ways. The most obvious activity is sports, but other activities have their problems too such as when a girl not ready for pointe shoes due to her lack of ankle strength and muscle tone had her mother yell at my daughter who is degreed in dance and familiar with what a young dancer must do to prepare for the often challenging move to pointe shoes. It's just one example-I have many more.....

Here's the blog:
Changing the Game

Here's my response:
Whether it is dance, football or basketball parents have gotten way too involved in their children's lives and not in a good way. I've seen members of the PTA climbing the backstop at a LIttle League game screaming at the umpire. I've seen parent coaches claim that kids they knew were years older were younger for the sake of winning all the games. In one case, on my son's under 14 soccer team during a tournament, I watched as the father of the team's star player paced the field shouting commands often in direct conflict to the coach. The son, a truly skilled player, ran down the field heading for the goal and then his dad shouted. The kid stopped, glared at his dad and kicked the ball to a player on the opposing team. That kid never played soccer after that year. My own son, not a star, but a solid player, still plays as an adult and watches games whenever he can find them. Which player would you rather have on your college team?

And this is the problem. Parents are trying to game the system. They hold kids from Kindergarten in hopes they will be older, bigger and faster as a 19 year old on the football field. They sign kids up for multiple sports like the girl in my third period who had either select soccer or select volleyball practices or games every single day. It starts in grade school. Parents have 'activities' every day. There's no chance for playing with neighborhood friends without making an appointment. As a result, kids don't know how to create games on their own. It's a problem.

It is not that sports or dance or whatever your kid competes in is a bad thing, but in life it should not be the ONLY thing that defines your child. I think it is so sad when we have kids who are gifted artists or writers or performers who can't take those classes because their one focus is something else. Do we really want our kids to be so limited in life? One of the saddest cases was a beautiful girl who was an amazing artist and could have gotten a full ride at any of the elite design schools. She loved art. But Mom wanted her to play golf-a game she didn't like and wasn't very good at-because Mom read she could get a scholarship. This same Mom forced the girl to go to nursing school when the poor kid had no interest in the profession. Ten or so years down the road, this kid will burn out.

Kids need variety in life. This is the only childhood they will have. Parents need to stop living vicariously through their children. I hate the excuse "this is the child's choice' because children want to please their parents. Our children should not be held to the Victorian ideal of being tiny adults. As one of my athletes who was a competitive skater said "This is not my life, it is the life my parents want for me." She would be at the local rink from five to seven every morning and five to nine every night. We fought against child labor-but please tell me what the difference is with this kind of schedule?

The Race Industry

A commentary on a much lauded book of complaints by Tahnesi Coates.

Coates seems to be the epitome of the Liberal Victim, constantly seeking a single source to blame for his problems in life. There's not enough hot water-blame Whitey upstairs. There's no seats left for a Broadway show he wants to see-blame Whitey with money. There's black kids on the street vandalizing his car-blame Whitey. After awhile the habit becomes a litany and white people become the Judas goat for every thing he-the self appointed representative of Blacks Everywhere-has suffered in life. How he manages to blame being bullied and beaten by other black kids on white racism is about as logical as the use of N-word by rappers and wannabe thugs. Excuse me as a white woman for not caring anymore. While I will always seek to actively help individuals, I will risk the microaggression of not particularly caring about their ethnicity other than in an observational way. Also, I am personally tired to death of the assumption by black activists that there's some secret grant that all white folks get. I worked my way through school. Contrary to the John Hughes film imagery that seems to fuel Coates' ideas on how all white folks live, that is not reality. My dad worked until the day he died at age 75. Right now my husband has been unemployed for more than a year. My kids worked two or more jobs in college and are grossly underemployed considering their degrees. Yet somehow Coates, who I'm sure got a nice advance for his book of complaints and is compensated well enough to live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, believes because not everyone in the world smiles at him daily, he can blame entire swaths of humanity for his problems. I'm suffering from Grievance Fatigue and frankly cannot take time to worry about whether the feelings of wealthy black men are hurt because the white grocery cashier-whose feet and back probably hurt from standing for hours on end-didn't give him a cheery high five with his purchase.

Chattanooga Shooting

What should be obvious from this act of terror is that this administration has learning absolutely nothing since the very similar event at Fort Hood. Unarmed military personnel on their own turf are essentially targets and this administration, along with the others before them that condoned this policy (renewed in 2011) of denying personnel of their sidearms while on base. This is a deeply flawed policy based more on the fears of anti-gun advocates than in reality. Evidently we have learned nothing from the reality of Ft. Hood and the Navy Yard shootings.

As to the shooter-there was one big clue. He was fired from his job for failing a drug test. Currently our administration has taken draconian measures to "decriminalize" drug use. Just this week the president went to El Reno facility in Oklahoma to register another statement that we should not judge those who indulge in what is criminal behavior such as drug use. Drug use while on the job is a huge issue. There have been videos of union workers at auto plants toking at lunch-a very dangerous stunt considering the machinery they are using. There have been cases of bus drivers and train engineers indulging to the detriment of all on board. Like it or not, drug use is a bad thing when combined with high skill programs. The shooter was fired and that is justified. What is also a problem is that nobody seems to want to ask the shooter's family why they didn't show concern for his seven month stint in Jordan. Most people would be troubled that their son was dropping out of a career and heading to a region that is dangerous. The shooter's father was investigated and perhaps terror networks found this too dangerous for them to use him as an asset in place. But an electrical engineer working at a nuclear power facility could be someone placed to do significant harm on a larger regional basis.

At this point, if the shooter was meant to do something at the nuclear facility, his dismissal ended that possibility. His desperation to prove his worthiness to be part of this terrorist network may have led to what was really a rather haphazard albeit effective plan of shooting up recruiting centers where due to publicity he would have known the personnel were unarmed. He probably didn't consider collateral damage.

Let's revisit the drug use issue. There's been a great deal of confusion over what would compel upper class, educated men and women from here and abroad to risk everything for the sake of a cause that seems little more than a death cult. Back when the Silk Road was a major East-West trade route, assassins would attack trade groups exacting horrendous mayhem in the process. The word "assassin" comes from the same rootword as "hashish"-the attackers of trade trains would get high so that their cruelty and carnage was masked in a haze of smoke. I wonder how many of these various terrorist attackers have been given high grade, uncut drugs with the goal being to enthrall them physically via addiction while at the same time creating the kind of psychological atmosphere where a normal kid raised in a western home would think it makes sense to kill people at random.

Getting Political: On Trump

I am very wary of Donald Trump. His history doesn't align with what he's saying now. Granted, anyone can have an epiphany and change their direction. It happened to St. Paul on the road to Tarsus. But I don't think that's what is happening here. As Obama consistently pushes the Democrat party to the Left, I think that Trump's goal is to push the Republican party to the right to the point where voting for them is untenable. Trust me, as a Texan I see first hand the collateral damage to the economy and individuals from unchecked ILLEGAL immigration. That the Republicans have not created a message that differentiates between legal and illegal immigration demonstrates how we have ceded the message to the media and the Left. 

Having said that, I am angry as anyone out there. The attacks on free speech, religion and security are personal affronts. I believe the White House, in particular Jarrett, have very skillfully selected cases that they believe can inflame national angst and push for action. Only in two cases has this not worked. In McKinney, where a large group of out of control teenagers invaded a private HOA pool, "someone" sent out of work protester Deray McKesson to stir things up. By and large it didn't work and the push back after finding out that the gathering was a recruiting tool to get underage women to dance for much older men at unsupervised gatherings rather cooled the heat. Likewise the absolute wisdom of people in South Carolina after the tragic shooting of nine people defused what I am sure the White House hoped would be more days of rioting and demands. 

So what do we need to talk about? All these actions hide a shell game of distracting voters from the real issues. What needs to happen is we need to talk money. We are running out of money and the president can't cut programs or tax more without alienating his base and impacting whoever gets the DNC nod. So they are seeking more REVENUE STREAMS. Trump probably recognizes this. This is why there's talk about taxing churches, taxing Ebay (go look at th most recent TOS there if you don't believe it) and taxing other previously "safe" income outlets. This needs to be what our candidate discusses, circumventing the firebombs from the left. While Trump may be saying what some want to hear, we need someone who can implement those actions. He's not the guy.

Sad

I just don't know how to make it through this anymore.
Our house is falling apart.
There's no money to fix it.
Because my husband can't find a job.
Because the economy sucks.
And it's me carrying the weight.
I am so tired
I am so tired
I am so very tired.
My heart hurts.

McKinney Part 2

So for whatever reason the officer involved in the McKinney Melee has resigned. This is after decades of policing without a mark on his record. People seeing the short clip of a 30 minute incident are only seeing part of the story. If you aren't familiar with the area-Craig Ranch is an upscale suburb. Nobody living there is poor. Frankly in comparison, I'm poor. So this isn't an issue of disenfranchised minority children being abused-because these kids drive newer cars than I do. This is an issue of a safe neighborhood being used as a platform for some wannabe DJ and his friend. They set this up as a flyer party and evidently didn't bother to ask anyone if they had to file permits or reserve the space. It's akin to setting up shop in a vacant building without paying rent.

Now the accusations are flying. The "host"-a 19 year old who lives in Craig Ranch with her mother-is claiming a white woman started a fight. The irony is that the white woman in question actually has a man living in her house who is black. I think, having had to deal with increasingly bad attitudes with teens in the past six months, that the woman said the gathering wasn't authorized and the "host" started wailing on her. Yet in this incident, due to the imposition of politically correct modes-we cannot say it was a problem with BEHAVIOR, but the motion must be made that it was all racism.

If we assume it was racism, we have to accept the following:
1. That it's a good idea to have over 100 unsupervised teens from 13 to 20 in age at a location for a party.
2. That someone who lives in a community ruled by an HOA doesn't have to abide by those rules if they are a person of color.
3. That allowing young teens to go to a party where they don't know the hosts, they don't know the event (various teens said it was birthday-graduation-cookout) or the location is good parenting.
4. That the city of McKinney allows large gatherings in public places without a permit.
5. That it's a good idea to invite over 100 unknown kids to a pool meant for less than 50.
6. That playing loud music with offensive and profane lyrics is an acceptable way to treat your neighbors.
7. That you can beat up someone who is older and less fit if you are a minority and they are white.
8. That scaring young mothers with small children is beneficial to good feelings in the community.
9. That vandalism, threats and unsupervised teens indulging in bad behavior is an acceptable community standard.
10. That anyone with a phone camera can edit a video to make their case and the government of McKinney will believe them over their own employees.
11. That the city of McKinney would rather avoid bad publicity than enforce the law.
12. That in McKinney and other cities like it there will be one set of laws for one group and quite a different one for the rest of us.

I swear if I didn't know better I would think that the State of California and George Soros set this scenario up to try to dissuade Toyota from moving here.


I anticipate in the McKinney schools in the coming year, as the result of this incident, that a slate of bad and even criminal activities will be defended using racism as a defense. In the last six months I've witnessed an escalation of defiance and provocation. As for "asking them nicely" I have tried that only to have teens get in my face and in one case nearly take a swing at me (I asked him to stop grinding on his girlfriend in the hallway....) It is one thing to discipline an officer for being overzealous, but the professional protesters have shown up (yes, we say you Mr. McKesson) and I have to wonder seriously how unemployed people can afford to attend protests across the nation. I don't think this is a conspiracy, but I do think we are being played.

McKinney

You're going to see a great deal of edited film about a pool party in McKinney. The media (and probably the parents of the kids involved) are pushing this as an issue of race.

It's not.

What seems to have happened is that a neighborhood pool-paid for with HOA dues-became the site for an unscheduled pool party. While the media began labeling it as a graduation party, most of the kids in the video appear to be under 16. There have been allegations that one young lady was taking money as admission to the pool. Most of the kids didn't live in the neighborhood and in fact despite suggestions that one girl invited these kids, there's no indication that she invited 250 kids to takeover a small neighborhood pool.

If the girl taking the money was a resident, her parents could have reserved the pool.
That evidently didn't happen. Instead a mob of 250 teenagers came to a neighborhood where they did not live, jumped fences, had fights and intimidated everyone who was at the pool or their homes. Here's the initial fight that led to more fights in the crowd.

Initial McKinney Fight at Pool Party

Someone called the police. Two cars arrived and they tried to disperse the crowd. The crowd did not comply by and large. Eventually nine units were called in. When one cop was surrounded by a group of kids he pulled his gun. Now all the liberals are up in arms because he did this. They ignore that kids this age can and do have weapons at times and that kids this age can and do stab and kill people. While the cop may have overreacted, I think he was honestly trying to get their attention, but there were probably better ways to do this.

This is going to be framed as yet another racial issue. What it is instead is another in a long series of mobs of teens, unsupervised, behaving badly and then seeking excuses when they get caught. I've been dealing with this type of attitude for the last couple of weeks at our school. It seems that even asking some students to refrain from using the N-word or the F-word is viewed as racist. I am tired of it.

Any parent will tell you that an unsupervised party of 250 kids is going to end badly. With no reservation for the pool, no lifeguards, no security personnel, it's a recipe for someone to get hurt. In short, it's dangerous and whoever invited all these kids is responsible for what happened. I know of a family who was forced to move after their home was raided by a gang of kids in a similar type of mob. And by similar, I mean unsupervised teenagers. Anyone trying to make this into a racial issue is ignoring what a dangerous situation this could have become. And by the way, homeowners in the area do have the right to ask their yards not be vandalized, their children not be yelled at and their pool they paid for with HOA dues stay private.

Where This is Headed

Recently, the First Lady Michelle Obama delivered a graduation rant to the graduates of Tuskeegee Institute. Where she could have lauded them for their accomplishments and encouraged them to reach for a future better than today, she instead chose to lament her status as the unpaid captive of the gilded cage of the White House. While there are those who dismiss this as meaningless, I believe it reveals the mindset of the Obama White House at large. Despite winning elections that would require not just black votes, but votes from every other demographic of our nation, the Obama White House persists in believing they are under some sort of siege because of their race.

This attitude has been suggested for years. When a Cambridge celebrity professor tried to bully his way with a Cambridge police officer in spite of not having any identification when a break in was alleged at his house, Obama immediately saw race first and said the cop "acted stupidly". Obama ignored that in any sort of breaking and entering situation, police must operate as if the unsub is inside until proven otherwise. The black professor pulling the "Don't You Know Who I Am Card" didn't help the situation. In spite of a laughable Rose Garden Beer Summit, the evidence was there that Obama always views issues through the lens of race first.

Let's consider how this has managed to endanger police and civilians. While black males make up a minority of the population at large, they are far more represented in legal actions with police. Yet, statistics also show that police are far less likely to shoot at a black suspect than a white one for fear of the type of retaliation at large supported by the DOJ and White House in places like Ferguson and Baltimore. Eric Holder-gone but not lamented- far too often went the route of seeking out cased to create a public furor designed to stampede people into a particular mindset. That kind of action blew up on him with Fast and Furious-a program which has still not been fully investigated for criminal intent. Yet it seemed to me when Obama's numbers were lagging in the polls another of these inflammatory cases would erupt. Why are we concerned about thugs (and yes, thugs can be any color despite attempts to coopt the word) getting shot during a crime and not concerned about gangbangers killing each other in Chicago and Philly and LA? Why is this president, who seems enamored with numbers, not concerned that more cops have been shot this year than in prior years?

What does this mean for society at large? What I am seeing in my very diverse middle class school is an attitude of defiance, especially from young black males. Case one-hall duty-a table of black students start throwing trash in front of our very sweet Hispanic head custodian then shouting "Me no habla" at her. I went over and asked them to stop, where one young male immediately started yelling "It wasn't me". I told him I wasn't writing him up, I was just asking him to stop. Then he comes over to me and keeps going at the debate. I'm outnumbered-not an administrator in sight. How am I supposed to counter nine kids at a table?  Case two-just this week-two young couples (both couples were black but that doesn't matter because I would have done this with ANY couple) were sitting on the floor eating lunch (there are tables...) and then they were lying all over each other with one young man grinding against his girlfriend. I asked them to stop and again, one young man (it may be the same one) gets in my face defying me to do anything. Again-I'm outnumbered-no administrator, no other teachers.

Across the board the talk of the teachers workroom is the escalation of defiance, rudeness, lack of respect for teachers and for each other. And I'm sorry, but I'm seeing far more of this with black students than any other category. I don't go out of my way to single out individuals or groups. But when one group is repeatedly acting out and disrupting classes it appears that someone has told them it's okay. So are their role models-the president, his wife, celebrities, rappers-basically giving these kids the opinion that they can do anything and get away with it? It appears so to me. I wonder if other teachers across the nation are seeing similar issues.

A New Concern

I've been told it's provocative to call anything a rant. As a result I will couch this collection of thoughts in the form of loose prose or free verse. But really.....

I teach. I am the daughter of a teacher and the mother of a teacher. I know my stuff. One of my earliest memories is setting up my stuffed toys in front of my blackboard in my room and teach them letters and numbers. I taught my kids in the ways normal parents do-through a combination of structure, repetition, extortion, threats and love. My kids grew up to be very good kids. I am proud of all of them. I think my husband and I did things right by them. There were soccer teams and ballet recitals, band concerts and plays. We supported them, we watched them, we participated. I am nearly 60 and I am deeply worried about today's youth.

I have taught for quite awhile. I have had other jobs as well. I've been in sales. I've been a graphic designer. I even stayed home and did the volunteer thing for a few years. It isn't working that is causing parents to become meaningless entities to their children-it is the isolation of social media. Fifteen years ago, when I returned to the classroom, cell phones were rarely owned by students. Some of the older kids from wealthier families provided them for kids, but for the most part it was rare. Today kids from the age of nine have phones. And the phones they possess have all the internet access of my first PC. These kids have secret lives, habits, friends and activities that their parents do not know about. Sadly, in many cases it appear that the ego of the parents doesn't allow them to believe their children could ever EVER do anything wrong. I beg to differ.

We have students who are in serious, precarious positions and as teachers we can do little about it. This goes beyond drinking and drugs into some seriously dark areas of our culture. I have to wonder what a kid is thinking when they intentionally don the persona of alternative lifestyles for the purpose of popularity. Don't be fooled by the goofy face of anime and events like A-con-there are some very dark and dangerous places on that road. Too many parents mistake animation for childish. Ask any Japanese businessman if the comics he reads on the train ride home are fit for his five year old to enjoy.

More than this is the benign neglect of parents. Too many of the current generation of 30 somethings are so busy navel gazing they ignore their children until something happens then they attack at will. This is doubly so with special needs students. We have parents who bully ridiculous IEP's from schools under the threat of lawsuits. I've seen everything from allowing a student who was bipolar with Down's Syndrome jump up and down in a general ed classroom of 34 to release tension to allowing an emotionally disturbed six foot four male to threaten to kill a teacher every single day of a term until he was removed for threatening a school board member's daughter. While ADA was meant to provide an adequate education to students with challenges who were capable of on level work, it is now being used to force districts to provide what amounts to free daycare and medical hospice facilities in the schools for special needs students who are living in attendance zones. What is more, while teachers and counselors can currently disagree with outrageous demands made by parents in ARD's and renegotiate the agreement, starting in September anything a parents wants they can get. Anything. It's a blank check.

So while your kid sits in an overcrowded classroom with not enough computer access or enough books next year because your school can't afford those things, remember that the special needs kids down the hall may have teachers and aides on a one to one ratio and be provided with everything from special meals, facilities, equipment and transportation. While nobody wants to deprive any students who can learn, is this really the best use of our money to provide daycare for special needs students? Shouldn't we be more worried about those kids who are able to learn who are falling through the cracks? There used to be schools and training facilities to allow special needs children to learn to make the most of their lives. Those have been closed by the same parents who are bullying schools into compliance.

I look at my class of over 30 and I know at least five will be special needs or ELL. I know I will have to document everything they do every day. I know that at least one, and maybe two, should be in an AVLS or BIC room because their behavior and comprehension is way out of line. But ADA ties our hands, allowed regular classrooms to be disrupted by students who cannot handle the pressure of regular educational settings. The parents insist on this type of setting because they desperately want their kids to be normal. They want to pretend that by being in a general education classroom they are learning the same stuff. For awhile the students do try to be kind and tolerate the behavioral upsets. But by the end of the year, those same students resent that they have no time to have their questions or concerns addressed. They are tired of having their projects destroyed and being lashed out at by students who cannot control themselves. Whatever sympathy the parents that push ADA standards hoped to engender is lost when other students get stuck taking up the slack.

I Love To Win

I don't win often because I tend to try to be a team player. So when my department was getting stonewalled on trying to buy art supplies at a significant discount by purchasing them over the summer, I do a little happy dance. We had been offered a chance to buy supplies at a 35% discount and would not be billed until the next school year. Yet, She Who Shall Not Be Named repeatedly told us no. No we couldn't do it because we would have to charge tax. No we couldn't do it because that wasn't the way we had always done it. Nevermind that the building principal thought it was a great way to manage around without having to dive into his rainy day fund. She Who Shall Not Be Named would not consider that other schools in my district are using this program. She wouldn't consider it even when the Shiningn  Example high schools were named. In one last attempt, a middle school teacher explained how she managed to work the program and which accounts to use. I sent it to her saying that I wish she would consider. Instead she demanded all my documentation and warned she was "taking it to the Finance Dept." Later that day I got a terse "come see me" email. Fearing the worst, I waiting until later in the day only to find that Finance thought it was a GREAT IDEA and wondered why OTHER SCHOOLS WEREN"T USING IT. I don't want the accolades, but honestly this has been a tough year and to get one win.....well that may just help me make it through the next seven weeks.

Onto AP testing.........